Weddings, while wonderful, romantic and fun can also be very stressful, straining and as parents, you have the ability to do a few small things to help the wedding process stay smooth, easier on the bride and groom.
Today, I want to share with you some great advice that I've learned over the years as a wedding videographer here in the Roanoke Valley.
Be upfront about Financing
Let's first set the record straight, as parents, you're under no obligation to help contribute cash to your child's wedding day. In fact, here in the Roanoke Valley, roughly 37% of couples get help from their parents, meaning most of the wedding budget comes from the couples themselves.
These days, brides and grooms tend to be more financially established and better able to cover the costs of their own weddings. However, parents should feel obligated to initiate the conversation about any contributions they might make to the big day. It is much more awkward to ask for money than to offer it, so your son or daughter might be afraid to bring it up. Early in the engagement, let the couple know if you will contribute, how much, and if it is a gift or a loan.
Not able to make a contribution? Your son or daughter will understand and are probably already aware of whatever reasons mean you cannot contribute. Simply explain that, although you'd really like to help make their wedding day special, you are not able to contribute money because of x, y, z.
You can offer to help make their day special in other ways, perhaps by making the wedding cake if you're a dab hand at baking, hosting the welcome drinks at your home, or simply volunteering to help in whatever way the bride and groom would like.
Offer Help When You Can
One of the best things that you can do as a parent is to help out with the planning process when your son or daughter asks you to help. My advice is to check in on a regular basis with your son or daughter and offer to help with their agenda.
Now, don't take the reigns and try to run the wedding planning process, remember this is their wedding, not yours.
It's Not About You
Yes, this may sound contradictory: offer to help, let the couple know if you can contribute financially, but beyond that? Stay out of it. Even if you are paying for the entire wedding, it is not your day. It is quite likely that you've already had a wedding day of your own that you got to plan your way, so let your children have that opportunity of their own.
If you don't feel like you got to have the day you wanted because your own parents or in-laws interfered, do you want your children to similarly resent your involvement? Believe it or not, the bride and groom have thought through every aspect and arrived at the decision they feel is best for them. As mentioned, wedding planning is already stressful enough; do not make what should (in theory) be a lovely experience any more negative by meddling.
Get Approval of Your Wedding Attire
Before you decide on wedding day attire, run your outfit by the happy couple -- especially the bride. There are online wedding forums out there full of brides wondering how to tell their mothers that they don't actually want her wearing a white outfit to the wedding, or it could be that the couple is aiming for a particular dress code that you as star guests of the wedding should make sure to follow.
Certain the suit you wore for your own wedding will be fine to wear? Still, check in first. Fathers, feel free to ask if you should feel free to wear a tie in a particular color -- it's a good question for opening up if the couple wants the fathers in coordinating ties, buttonholes or whole outfits, or have more casual plans and don't want you in the suit and tie at all.
Finally, just enjoy the day. As parents, you raised a great child and someone that will make the best decisions they feel is right for them. As a parent myself, I’m always wanting to jump in and help save the day. While Juliana still has a few more years of being a teen, I know that one day she’ll be a bride and I will take a back seat in trying to run the show.
This is their day, relax, help when they ask and offer help when possible but don’t try to run the show.
Ans as always friends, be sure to check out my wedding video and film services and pricing by clicking the link below. Thanks so much for following my blog on a regular!